I know bacon weave taco shells have been done before, but none of the ones I’ve seen looked very appetizing to me. It seems like people sort of took the easy way out when making them and just tossed their bacon over a metal object, made sure the strips overlapped a little so they’d stick together and either baked or deep fried it like that so their shells just end up looking like squares of bacon that had been folded in half. Long story short, most of the bacon taco shells out there just don’t look very taco-shaped.

For my bacon taco shell I started off the same way I did when I made my Bacon Weave Quesdailla, by creating a square bacon weave, cooking it in my oven at 400° for about 15 minutes and then placing an upside down bowl over it and tracing around it with a knife until I was left with a circular bacon weave. After that I hung it over a couple kabob sticks that were balanced across empty beer bottles and left it like that for a few minutes so it would keep its shape. I’m sure that there was probably something better I could have draped it over, but you’ve gotta make due with what you’ve got right?

Since I wasn’t quite sure if beer bottles were safe to put in the oven I swapped them out for a couple pint glasses, put them on a baking sheet, hung my bacon weave taco shell between them and slid it back into my oven for another ten minutes so it could finish cooking.

Granted, I’m sure the beer bottles would have been fine, but I didn’t know if the labels would burn or if the glue that holds them to the bottle is toxic. Then again, when you’re eating stuff like this on a regular basis a little bit of toxic glue should probably be the least of your worries….

In the end my Bacon Weave Taco ended up looking — and tasting — way better than I ever could have imagined. Once it was done baking I filled it to the brim with seasoned ground beef, sour cream, lettuce, tomato and shredded cheese and took a bite. It was completely amazing, and aside from that the shell actually looked exactly like a real taco shell!

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In June of 2001, 22-year-old Angelina Cruz bit into a burger from Burger King–and got pricked in the tongue by a syringe. Citing HIV fears, she sued the chain for 9 million.

A Baltimore man was eating fried chicken from Popeye’s in September of 2003 when he discovered that the fast food store had inadvertently fried a mouse along with the chicken parts.

In a Ohio Arby’s in June 2007, a man found a piece of human skin sitting on the lettuce in his chicken sandwich. The man sued, refusing a settlement that Arby’s initially offered him.

A 62 year old British man found a gold tooth in his Mars bar.

In 2006, a 52-year-old man from Illinois sued Kraft Foods for 55,000 to compensate for the physical and emotional distress he suffered after allegedly biting into a “non-human animal tooth” in a container of Planter’s Peanuts.

A New York woman sued a sushi bar after she tasted semen in the sauce atop her spicy tuna in June 2008 she says she still has samples frozen in her refrigerator.

Olivia Chaines had swallowed a piece of a Hebrew National brand hotdog in the shopping aisle of a Costco before she realized that it contained a piece of metal. X-rays revealed that the hot dog had contained a live bullet.

At the height of the Beijing Olympics, reporters pounced on the Chinese food industry after athletes found paperclips in muffins served them at an official function. The story’s most surprising revelation may just be that Olympic athletes eat muffins.

In 2009, a man from Bath, UK found a dead mouse in a loaf of bread.

In July 2009, a German tourist claimed to find a used tampon in his steak at the Waldorf-Astoria in New York.

A dieting woman found a live caterpillar crawling on a Weight Watchers-brand slice of packaged cake in June 2011. She called it gross enough to put her off of cake forever.

Cancer survivor Susan Mosher was outraged after she found human blood on her BLT and fries at a Cracker Barrel in Kingwood, TX, in late June of 2011.

A couple found a disembowled mouse in their Dole packaged salad mix in June 2011. They’d already started eating the salad by the time they found the mealbreaker they promptly vomited.

An upstate New York man found a bloody bandaid in baked into the crust of his Pizza Hut pizza in June of 2011. He sued after the company failed to address his concerns.

A Chinese woman found a fly in her yogurt in July 2011. When she asked for compensation, the manufacturer asked her to prove that the fly had died before she opened the container — by getting the insect autopsied.

Louisiana woman Mary Deal Chambers-Johnson sued Applebee’s for damages after she claimed a fingertip in her lunch salad gave her post-traumatic stress disorder.

A grocery store worker pleaded guilty to handing out a semen-tainted yogurt sample at an Albuquerque market.

In January 2011, a mouse got trapped in a bag of Big Mac buns at a Philadelphia McDonald’s.

In January 2012, fifty-year-old bus driver Lajzer Grynsztajn claims he nearly choked to death on such a coil after ordering two chicken breasts and fries from JFK Fried Chicken in Sunset Park, Brooklyn.

Andrew Brodsky, 35, found an unidentified animal toe in his container of Sabra Spinach Artichoke dip.

In March 2012, a woman claims she found a McFeather in her McNugget.

A deputy sheriff alleges that someone spit in his Whopper…and the case has made it to the Supreme Court as of January 2012.

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Chipotle Hard Tacos – It is not easy to keep your calories down at Chipotle, mainly because of their flour tortillas. One way it IS possible is to choose two tacos over a burrito. Two crunchy taco shells total 120 calories, which pales in comparison to the 290 calorie burrito shell. And the portion sizes of the fillings (beans, rice, etc) is much smaller for the tacos, keeping their calories down too.

Jack in the Box Tacos – There might not be a Jack in the Box where you live, but if there is you’ll be happy to know that two JITB tacos clock in at 390 calories.

Burger King Whopper Jr. – Burger King’s Whopper Jr. is 340 calories. No, it’s not as big as a regular Whopper, but it tastes the same. Maybe you can hire someone with tiny hands to feed it to you so it looks larger.

Panda Express Broccoli Beef – Panda Express has many choices that will fulfill your entire daily caloric intake in one meal. Especially the Orange Chicken. One item that will not do this is the Broccoli Beef. They give you a decent amount of beef in a sea of broccoli florets (I’m so excited to use “broccoli florets” in a sentence) — and it is only 120 calories per serving!

KFC Mac and Cheese – Macaroni and cheese (and even Cheese and Macaroni) are typically off-limits when you’re doing a lower calorie diet. However, an individual side of mac and cheese from KFC is only 160 calories. Have you ever had KFC’s mac and cheese? It’s kind of amazing.

Wendy’s Double Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger – Wendy’s has always been one of my favorites. And their Double Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger is 440 calories, which is not bad at all for a fast food burger with TWO patties. And not just two patties, two square patties.

 McDonald’s Chicken McNuggets – Chicken nuggets are a decently low-calorie choice at almost any fast food restaurant, but here’s a real shocker. McDonald’s 10-piece Chicken McNuggets is 470 calories. Only 47 calories per nugget. I would’ve guessed way higher. My rule of thumb is that you should aim to keep your fast food meals around 400 cals or less, but for 10 McNuggets, I’d go 70 calories over. Or instead of eating 10, eat 8 and 51/100ths

Taco Bell Doritos Locos tacos – One Doritos Locos taco has the same amount of calories as the regular crunchy taco– 170. Instead of a regular taco, have a regular taco lightly dusted in nacho cheese dust!

Subway Golden Broccoli and Cheese Soup – Typically broccoli cheese soup is calorie packed (because if you do it right, it’s basically a vat of melted cheese with a few broccoli florets thrown in), but Subway has managed to do it in 200 calories.

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1. Bathe in It

Instead of sipping a beer, try soaking in it. Pour a bottle of German Badebier in the tub and lie back for a real bubble bath.

2. Put Out a Fire

Although certainly not as effective as a real fire extinguisher, a can or bottle of beer can mimic one if none is available. Simply shake and spritz. After all, beer is mostly water. This works on small grill flare-ups, and some people have been known to carry an emergency can in their car in case of engine fire. Or at least that’s what they tell the state troopers.

3. Marinate Meat

Beer is slightly acidic—and that makes it an excellent meat tenderizer, says Linda Omichinski, R.D., a nutritionist. This allows you to enjoy leaner cuts that otherwise might be too tough. Beer also won’t alter the meat’s flavor as much as wine- and vinegar-based marinades do. Poke a few holes in the meat, put it in a Tupperware container (we know you have them) or a large resealable bag, and add beer. (English ale is great for beef.) Marinate in the refrigerator for a few hours or, better yet, overnight. Do not drink the marinade.

4. Polish Pots

In days of yore, the last bit of beer from spent kegs was collected and used to polish the copper vats in breweries. Gregg Smith, general manager of the Idaho Brewing Company, is keeping the tradition alive by using beer to put a shine on the copper-top tables in his Idaho Falls establishment. “Because of its acidity,” he explains, “you can just pour some on, let it sit for a while, then wipe it off. It also works well on Revere Ware pots.”

5. Make Beer Barbecue Sauce

Ingredients:
1 medium Spanish onion, diced
1 medium banana pepper, diced
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 Tbsp capers
5 ripe tomatoes, diced
1 small can tomato paste
1/3 cup each wine vinegar, olive oil, soy sauce, brown sugar
1 Tbsp balsamic vinegar
2 Tbsp each Worcestershire sauce, Tabasco, honey, Dijon mustard, horseradish, oregano
2 Tbsp fresh ground pepper
1 tsp cumin
Dash of ground clove
12 ounces amber ale or porter

Combine all ingredients in a large saucepan and boil for 10 minutes. Lower heat and simmer about 4 hours until thickened. Cool and refrigerate for 24 hours so the flavors can meld. Then baste everything but the dog with it.

6. Shampoo Hair

Not only is beer the remedy for a dull party, it’s also the cure for dull hair. Dump a cup into a small saucepan and bring it to a boil over medium heat. Let it reduce until there’s 1/4 cup left. This removes the alcohol, which can dry hair. Let the beer cool, then mix it with a cup of your favorite shampoo. Pour it into an empty shampoo bottle, then wash and rinse as usual. It’ll give your hair more shine and luster.

7. Loosen Rusty Bolts

Pour some beer on them and wait a few minutes. The carbonation may help break up the rust.

8. Clear Up Brown Spots in Your Lawn

According to Andrew Lopez, a professional gardener, the fermented sugars in beer stimulate plant growth and kill fungi. He recommends spraying either home brew or Rolling Rock (both are chemical-free) on those annoying brown spots in your lawn. (Either that, or just stop peeing there.) “The grass will absorb the sugar in the beer and draw energy from it,” Lopez explains.

9. Steam Clams or Mussels

Fill a large steamer pot with equal parts water and beer, then bring to a boil. Steam the randy little mollusks until their shells open. Couldn’t be simpler. The beer imparts a nice flavor.

10. Pass a Kidney Stone

As you’ve undoubtedly noticed, beer is a diuretic. It helps flush the kidneys and bladder. This can be beneficial if you’re suffering from a bladder infection or kidney stone. “You can drink water or cranberry juice, but beer also works,” says Larry L. Alexander, M.D., medical director of Central Florida Regional Hospital’s emergency department. ” It helps dilate the ureters [the tubes connecting the kidneys and bladder], which may help you pass a stone quicker and easier. Plus, the alcohol will take the edge off the pain.” But don’t drink beer if you’re taking antibiotics or narcotic pain medications. You’ll render the drugs useless and make yourself sick.

11. Boil Shrimp

Open three 12-ounce bottles of Yuengling Premium or a comparable mild pilsner and pour them into a large soup pot. Wait for the beer to go flat (about 2 hours), then add 1/4 cup Old Bay Seasoning and 2 tsp ground turmeric (to turn the shrimp a rich yellow). Bring to a boil over medium-high heat, then cook for 5 minutes.

Meanwhile, rinse 2 pounds of extra-large raw shrimp in cold water and drain. Add them to the pot and stir. Cover and cook for 5 minutes, no more. Quickly remove the shrimp using a large slotted spoon. Serve immediately with cocktail sauce and, you guessed it, more beer. This same recipe makes great lobster, but cook it for 12 to 15 minutes.

12. Kill Slugs

Gather a few empty salsa jars (or similar wide-mouth containers) and fill them a third of the way with cheap beer. Then bury them about 15 feet from your garden, girlfriend, or whatever you’re trying to protect. Make sure the rims are almost level with the soil surface. For some reason, slugs love beer. They’ll find the traps, drop in, and drown. Do this in the evening, let them party all night, and give them an honorable burial in the morning.

13. Find Due North

Okay, here’s the scenario. A bit far-fetched, we admit, but let’s say you’re hopelessly lost in the wilderness, and all you have is a can of beer, a sewing needle, a small bowl, and a pair of extra-large silk panties. (Because this is a matter of life and death, the camp counselor should give hers up.) First, open the beer, pour some into the bowl, and let it go flat. (Better drink the rest; this may not work.) Next, magnetize the needle by stroking it repeatedly in one direction with the panties. This will generate a charge of static electricity. Then float the needle in the beer. When it stops, it’ll be pointing in a north-south direction. Now get outta there!

14. Soothe Tired Feet

Pour a couple of cold ones into a bucket and soak your dogs. “Ice-cold beer with lots of carbonation can be soothing for tired feet,” Dr. Alexander says. Stop at two; you don’t want to start staggering.

15. Make a Beer Slide

Forget volleyball and croquet. At your next party, lay a large vinyl tarp on a slope, then make it slick with lots of beer. Have your friends strip down to their underwear or swim trunks, get a running start, and slide downhill on their butts.

16. Lower Your Blood Pressure

John Palmer, a hypertensive home-brewer and engineer in Monrovia, California, puts a handful of dried hops or hops pellets (available at any home-brew store) in a coffeemaker and brews them with hot water. It makes for a bitter tea, but he claims it brings his blood pressure back to normal within 10 minutes by dilating the capillaries. “There may be something to it,” Dr. Alexander says. “A person who’s intoxicated is usually flushed and sweaty. Some ingredient is dilating the blood vessels, which, in turn, lowers blood pressure.” We don’t advocate this as a replacement for medication, though.

17. Trick a Cheap Landlord

Live in an apartment where the landlord pays the heat bill and sets the thermostat pretty low? Ice up a can of beer in the freezer, then set it atop the lockbox that encloses the thermostat. The cold from the beer will trick the thermostat into thinking the temperature has dropped so it’ll turn the heat on.

18. Bake Beer Bread

You already know how to put a bun in the oven. Now it’s time to go all the way. Here’s a healthful, foolproof recipe for high-fiber beer bread from the book Tailoring Your Tastes, by nutritionist Omichinski:

Ingredients:
2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
2 Tbsp sugar
2 Tbsp baking powder
1/4 cup ground flaxseed
1 tsp each salt, dried basil, dried rosemary, thyme
1/2 cup unsalted sunflower seeds
1 Tbsp cooking oil
12 oz beer, at room temperature

Mix all the dry ingredients. Add oil and beer. Stir until dough is just mixed. Put dough in a greased 9x5x3-inch loaf pan. Bake at 375 F for 45 minutes or until nicely browned. Remove from oven and let bread cool in pan for 10 minutes. Remove from pan to cool some more.

19. Catch Mice

Slugs aren’t the only pests with a fatal attraction to beer. According to Neil Herbst, owner of the Alley Kat Brewing Company in Edmonton, Alberta, you can also trap mice with it. He recommends setting out a few small pails or bowls of beer (his competitors’, never his own), with a small ramp leading up to the lip. The mice will be attracted by the smell, hop in, drink their fill, then be unable to climb out.

20. Tie a Fly

This tip is from the bookCuriosities of Ale and Beer, published in 1889: Mix beer, chimney soot, walnut leaves, and a little powdered alum in a small pot. Bring to a boil, then chill. Dipping any natural materials you’re using in this solution prior to tying is supposed to make for a tighter, more attractive fly. No promises as to whether it will catch more fish, though.

21. Cure Insomnia

Gregg Smith, author of The Beer Drinker’s Bible, says women often show up at his brewery asking to buy not his beer but the hops he uses to brew it. “They sew it into pillows,” he explains. “The smell of it is supposed to be a sleep aid, especially for colicky babies. I’ve never tried it, but we get enough requests that there must be something to it.” Hops is a type of flower, though, so be careful if you have allergies.

22. Massage Yourself

A full can of beer is a great self-massage tool, according to Dori Love-Bentley, a certified massage therapist. For instance, take off your shoes and roll a can underfoot. Or put one in the crook of your back or between your shoulder blades and lean back against a wall, rolling it around as you do so. It works just about anywhere—quads, glutes, neck, calves. “The pressure loosens up muscle tissue,” Love-Bentley explains, “and encourages bloodflow to the area.”

23. Calm an Upset Stomach

Sipping on a highly carbonated beer can settle a stomach just like 7Up or Sprite can. Plus, the alcohol helps buffer pain. “I’ve never seen a true medical study supporting this,” Dr. Alexander says, “but I have patients tell me it works. The only time you have to be careful is if you have an ulcer or gastritis. Alcohol can inflame that.”

24. Build Your Next Home

Earthship, a house in New Mexico, has walls made of empty beer cans and concrete. Amy Duke, a spokeswoman, explains that instead of using forms for the cement, builders put down alternating layers of mortar and cans. You can do the same to create retaining walls for gardens and other landscaping. Earthship also contains a thermal-mass refrigerator that uses full cans of beer as insulation. The cans line the walls of the unit, helping keep the temperature constant while minimizing energy usage. A ceiling vent allows frigid desert air to flow in during the night. The beer absorbs this cold, but never freezes because of its alcohol content. When the hatch is closed during the day, the beer releases the coolness. The same thing happens when you open one and drink it.

25. Cook Rice

Rinse 1 cup jasmine rice in water. Do it twice more, then drain well. Next, dump the rice into a medium-size pot and add 12 ounces of beer. (A nut-brown ale works well.) Bring the mixture to a boil, turn the heat to low, and cover the pot. Simmer for 20 minutes, then remove from the stove and cool for an additional 10 minutes. The rice won’t be lumpy, and it’ll have a nuttier flavor—just like you after you eat it.

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