Unexpected Things You Learn In Your Thirties

1. You constantly forget that you’re not in your twenties anymore.

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2. People start to think there is something LEGITIMATELY wrong with you if you are single.

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3. Your middle name should be “Busy,” since that is what you are all the time now.

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4. Your Facebook feed will be nothing but new baby pics.

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5. You will seriously consider moving to a more affordable part of the country.

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6. The clothes from your twenties now make you look like you are trying too hard.

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7. Which is why you will look for “sensible” and “comfortable” clothes when shopping.

8. There are two camps of people: those who work out and those who work.

9. Getting carded is AWESOME.

10. Your favorite foods will now wreak havoc on your insides.

11. Investing in quality becomes important.

12. Hangovers will destroy you.

13. The classic rock station is now playing your high school playlist.

14. Quiet never sounded so good.

15. Your back will hurt for no damn reason.

16. Same goes for your feet.

17. You will gain hair in all the wrong places.

18. You will now have divorced friends.

19. Re-watching movies from your youth is a bad idea.

20. Marathons everywhere.

21. Gray hairs will begin to multiply like horny bunnies.

22. Somehow you are now a person with answers.

23. Your clothes won’t be the only things laden with wrinkles.

24. Activities like apple picking and wine tasting will be your new wild weekend plans.

25. The only dancing you will do is at weddings and work parties.

26. Plus, dancing all night requires multiple water breaks.

27. Talk of cool new bars and bands is replaced with talk of mortgage refinancing and preschool applications.

28. The repercussions of your twenties will catch up with you.

29. You wouldn’t go back to your twenties for a million bucks.

30. You can’t wait to be 40.

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