I lost track of time while face timing with my friend
I got caught up in reading Fifty Shades of Grey
Heidi Klum refused to untie me
I was up all night arguing with God
It is a bad hair day
My sister was constipated, so I had to try to help her poop
I woke up in another city after I went out and got drunk last night
I have transient amnesia and couldn’t remember my job
I thought I won the lottery… but really didn’t
Oh, I thought we were on the Hawaiian time zone
Technically, I was on time, but I’ve been smoking pot in my car for the last half hour
I’m sorry, boss, but I had to stop to get you this box of ten donuts
I couldn’t find my clothes
My Botox appointment took longer than expected
My wife wouldn’t let me out of bed
My dog dialed 911
